
Welcome back to Ftalk! If you’re just joining us, this post picks up where we left off The Ultimate Blueprint to Self-confidence While it stands on its own, for the full picture, feel free to catch up on the previous post on slum to stardom here. I am happy to have you along for the ride on mastering the mind to gain true control of your life.
Today we will be talking about How to Control our mind to build Unshakable Confidence. As I said in the last Blog you read, you possess complete authority over one essential aspect: your thoughts. This divine endowment serves as the solitary mechanism through which you can shape your destiny. Should you neglect to govern your mind, you’ll exert control over nothing else.
What if I informed you that there exists a single skill serving as the ultimate key to unlocking all your aspirations? Mastering this skill practically ensures that you’ll evolve into the person you aspire to be and lead the life you envision. By acquiring, honing, and ultimately mastering this skill, you’ll gain the ability to effortlessly generate success in any realm of your life, dispel any self-imposed limitations, and maintain a composed, confident, and lucid mindset regardless of the circumstances.
Mastering Your Mind
Are you sufficiently intrigued to not only discover it but also to acquire, implement, and refine it until you’ve honed it to mastery? I trust I have your full attention now, and you grasp the significance of what lies ahead. But You should ask yourself this, Do you command your mind, or does your mind command you? Can you soothe your thoughts at will, selecting the ones you wish to entertain? Or does your mind operate on autopilot, inundating you with unproductive, pessimistic notions about potential outcomes and worst-case scenarios?
How frequently does your mind dwell on should-haves, stirring up feelings of regret for past missteps? How often does it divert your attention away from actions that would propel you toward the life you desire, just as you’re poised to initiate progress? Just as you’re about to embark on a positive transformation, do you find yourself compelled to check your phone, peruse Instagram, message a friend, or watch YouTube videos? How many times have your efforts to enact positive changes been thwarted, obstructed, or undermined at every turn? These setbacks occur because you haven’t yet mastered the fundamental skill of managing your mind’s inner workings.
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Transforming Doubts in your mind into Opportunities for Success
Reflect for a moment on your own accomplishments in life; chances are, they’re quite substantial. Despite the lack of control over your mind and the presence of doubts, worries, and fears, you’ve managed to accomplish so much. Now, envision a scenario where instead of the majority of your thoughts being uncontrollable and negative, they are calm, focused, and directed toward facilitating your progress in life.
Consider the possibilities. You’ve already achieved remarkable feats against significant odds. Now, imagine the potential when you tilt the odds in your favor. If your predominant thoughts exude confidence, relaxation, happiness, and certainty of success, they become the blueprint for the life you are actively constructing.
A Simple Technique for mastering your mind
How do you go about mastering control of your mind? The method I’m about to share with you is the most straightforward and effective technique for achieving this. I learned this technique from my Friend and mentor, Fredrick. Its effectiveness astonished me during the intense turmoil of a challenging time, keeping me calm, focused, and clear-headed. Fred advised me that the key to mastering my mind was to focus on a single positive thought for 15 uninterrupted seconds—choosing a cherished memory and dwelling on it exclusively for that brief duration.
I attempted this technique for the first time shortly after receiving the news of my father’s passing. At that moment, it seemed as though my world was crumbling, and I was besieged by anxiety, tension, fear, pain, and anger. My mind struggled to maintain any thought for even a fraction of a second, darting instead to bleak scenarios and impending hardships faced by my loved ones. The weight of these thoughts bore down on me, leaving me feeling utterly overwhelmed.
My Personal story
However, I recognized that a challenging period lay ahead, one in which difficulties might escalate. I understood that if I didn’t break free from this downward spiral, regain mental clarity, and prepare for what lay ahead, the consequences would be dire—not only for the remainder of my life but also for my family. Thus, I found myself at a point of desperation, willing to take whatever steps necessary. That day, after concluding my meetings at work, I departed early and embarked on a lengthy walk to clear my mind. I journeyed to one of my cherished spots: a bench on the Southbank overlooking the river. Seated there, I gently closed my eyes and allowed a positive thought to permeate my mind.
The thought that resonated with me was a video of my fiancĂ©e, Aeesha. At the time, our relationship was still in its early stages, and we had yet to see each other since we began dating. I had deeply missed her and eagerly anticipated our reunion. When I called her on a video call and she expressed her excitement about seeing me, it filled me with happiness to know that someone cared for me genuinely. Her radiant face beamed with happiness and anticipation as she exclaimed, “I can’t wait to see you,” exuding pure joy and excitement. Even to this day, I struggle to articulate the overwhelming emotions I experienced when I reminisce about that video. The sheer happiness, love, and emotion were indescribable. That was the memory I attempted to concentrate on for just 15 seconds.
However, when I began, I could scarcely maintain that thought for even a single second! This was one of the happiest and most joyful moments I had ever experienced, yet my mind wouldn’t grant me even a moment of peace to relish it. I attempted again, and after several tries, I managed to sustain the positive thought for about two seconds before a flood of negative thoughts invaded. It dawned on me that I had virtually no command over my own mind. Something beyond my conscious control was dictating its course. It refused to afford me any reprieve to calm down, collect myself, bask in positivity, and momentarily escape the turmoil engulfing my life at that juncture.
Fred had likened the chaotic state of my mind to a “little terrorist,” and now it was starkly evident to me. Determined, I persisted, resolved not to vacate that bench until I could sustain my positive thought for a full 15 seconds. It took me a full two hours, but eventually, I achieved it. That two-hour period was solely dedicated to practicing the technique, with no other distractions. During that time, I progressed from barely managing a second or two to sustaining the positive thought for a full 15 seconds. By the end of those two hours, I felt a sense of calm that had eluded me for months, particularly in the wake of my father’s passing. Instead of the usual chaos and negativity, I experienced moments of peace and clarity. As I walked home, savoring the newfound tranquility, I found that whenever I felt my emotions spiraling out of control or my fears resurfacing, I returned to the 15-second exercise of positive thought. Though I didn’t achieve the full duration every time, with each attempt, I improved gradually.
Finally applying the technique that Fred had introduced me to years earlier—albeit one I had previously disregarded—proved to be a turning point. It provided a crucial tool to navigate through my current challenges and pave the way for the life I envisioned. Not only did I feel a greater sense of calm, but, as Fred had predicted, solutions, ideas, insights, and moments of inspiration began to emerge. Problems that once seemed insurmountable became manageable situations, thanks to the clarity and inspiration fostered by a calm mind.
I began to develop the ability to detach and observe the tumult of thoughts racing through my mind—the fears, anxieties, and doomsday scenarios—like a bystander witnessing a spectacle from a distance, rather than being directly embroiled in them. Through continued practice of this technique, I gradually gained mastery over it, until it became a readily accessible tool. Whenever I sensed my mind veering toward chaos, I could employ this technique and swiftly regain control.
This method stands as the paramount factor behind my journey to rebuilding confidence, reclaiming my sense of self, and reconstructing my life. It prevented me from descending into the depths of despair and losing precious years in the process. What once seemed like a journey spanning decades transformed into a mere matter of days, thanks to this technique.
Thanks for reading
Till next time.
Cheers ❤️
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The Process to Reclaiming Your Mind Control
Recall a memory from your past – the one that brings you the most joy. Choose a memory that, above all others, fills you with happiness and leaves you feeling fantastic whenever you reminisce about it. Select one that resonates with you personally, not one you feel obligated to choose. Opt for a memory that genuinely uplifts your spirits.
What’s essential is that you share a profound, positive emotional bond with that memory. It could be a joyful recollection from your childhood, a moment of serene bliss during a vacation, a breathtaking view that left you in awe, a mesmerising sunrise or sunset, a serene beach, the birth of your child, or a heartwarming interaction with a beloved pet. Remember, there’s no need to justify your selection to anyone else. This is solely for your benefit and personal growth
Mastering the Art of Mindful Focus: A Journey to Inner Mastery
Now, recall that memory and gently close your eyes. Allow yourself to fully immerse in it. Absorb every detail. Experience the emotions you felt when you initially lived that extraordinary moment. Recall the scents, the sounds surrounding you, the sensation of the air against your skin. Enhance the memory’s vividness and depth to your comfort level. Relive that moment; embrace it once more. Simply dwell in that exquisite, flawless moment.
Now, concentrate solely on that thought for 15 seconds. Can you achieve it? If you attempted this exercise, chances are you struggled to sustain the thought for more than a few seconds at most. Continue practicing until you can. Don’t feel discouraged if progress is gradual. You’re acquiring a new skill and overcoming a habit that may have persisted for years. Instead, appreciate and rejoice in taking the initial and vital step toward shaping the life you aspire to.
Be enthusiastic about learning this paramount skill, recognizing that mastering it will open the door to achieving all your desires in life. Instead of “trying,” simply relax and immerse yourself in the thought. Give it a try now. Did you attempt it, or did you skip past it without giving it a shot? If you didn’t try, reflect on why you chose to bypass this exercise, considering the significance and foundational nature of this skill based on all you’ve learned. I can teach you this technique and illustrate the immense costs of not mastering it, as well as the remarkable benefits of becoming the master of your mind. However, ultimately, it’s up to you to decide to apply it. Learning this skill is paramount. It’s the initial and most critical step on your journey to becoming the person you aspire to be and living the life you desire. Without reclaiming control of your mind, all your endeavors will ultimately fall short.
If I could travel back in time and offer myself a single piece of advice, it would be to master this skill much earlier. Now, when you attempt to do this and your mind begins pulling you in various directions, simply detach and observe the chaos unfolding within your mind. Without labeling thoughts as good or bad, as such judgments are unhelpful, observe how your mind flits from one thought to another. Notice that most of these thoughts are fears, doubts, distractions, worries, tasks you’ve forgotten, or tasks you feel you “should” be doing instead of practicing this exercise.
Overcoming Internal Obstacles to Personal Growth
If you’ve engaged in that exercise, you’ve just encountered your ego, the internal saboteur present in all of us. Whenever you found yourself distracted, fearful, anxious, or doubting yourself during the exercise, it was your ego interfering. This is the critical voice within your mind that you often mistake for your true self. It inundates you with negative, undermining, limiting, toxic, and harmful thoughts and emotions throughout the day. Every time you internally echo sentiments like “You’re not capable,” “You can’t succeed,” “Positive outcomes are beyond your reach,” or “You’re not deserving of good fortune,” it’s not genuinely your own voice. It’s your ego at work.
If you’re feeling uncertain, not living up to your desired lifestyle, and failing to embody the person you aspire to be, this could be the reason. There’s an inner saboteur governing your thoughts, engaging in a battle you didn’t even realize you were part of. Pause and consider the implications. If you’re anything like I was back then, you’re seldom truly in command of your mind. Despite your efforts to enact changes and evolve into your desired self, the true essence of who you are hasn’t been leading the way. And if your thoughts aren’t under your control, how can you possibly manage your actions, decisions, and conduct?
Rediscovering Your Authentic Self
At birth, we enter the world without an ego. This is precisely why we accomplish so much in our early years. From being utterly reliant as infants, by the age of three, we’ve learned to express joy, move independently, eat, play, and grasp the basics of social interaction. All of this progress occurs because our ego isn’t yet obstructing our path.
However, around this age, social conditioning kicks in. As we become more verbal, interactive, and receptive to others’ input, we begin to internalize external messages. Because our young minds absorb vast amounts of information without discernment, we start assimilating thought patterns that aren’t beneficial to us. We begin hearing limitations on our capabilities, unlike the unrestricted exploration of our abilities in those initial three years. We encounter expectations about what individuals like us are supposed to be, do, and possess. And notably, we come to understand that affection is conditional.
Consequently, we swiftly adapt to meet the criteria for receiving love. Whether through unintentional absorption or deliberate instruction, we internalize a blueprint of who we ought to be in order to be worthy of love. Prior to age three, the concept of being loved wasn’t fully grasped; our actions were simply geared toward fulfilling our needs. However, around age three, the focus shifts from fulfilling personal desires to conforming to societal “shoulds” in pursuit of love and acceptance—the fundamental desires we all seek. Gradually and often subconsciously, these expectations shape our identity, forming the basis of who we believe ourselves to be.
Before long, these behavioral patterns solidify into the routines guiding your responses to various situations. They morph into your default mode of thinking, so deeply ingrained and normalized that you lose awareness of their presence. These patterns wield immense power, tethered to the primal need for love and acceptance experienced in childhood—a necessity that feels vital to survival. Over time, interactions with parents, friends, partners, social media, and educators add further layers to this framework, molding you into a fully conditioned adult.
By this stage, the vast majority—mode than 75% of individuals find themselves entangled in numerous layers of social conditioning, convoluted thinking, restrictive beliefs, doubts, fears, apprehensions, and a perceived lack of worthiness. Consequently, they become almost entirely disconnected from their authentic selves.
The Battle Within: Embracing Your Authentic Self Amidst Ego’s Resistance
The authentic essence of who you are remains intact, harboring the truth about your capabilities and worthiness. It recognizes that societal conditioning is laden with falsehoods that hinder and burden you. Despite this, it continues to present you with achievable dreams and aspirations. However, your ego, fueled by negativity, opposes these aspirations, triggering a constant internal struggle. This inner conflict manifests as a civil war within your mind. The real you understands that your potential knows no bounds, akin to your state at birth, and recognizes that only distorted thinking obstructs your path to fulfillment. The pain and remorse you experience stem from the deep-seated knowledge of your capability, worthiness, and inherent goodness.
If you were convinced, truly convinced, that your dreams were unattainable, there would be no anguish. The pain arises because deep down, you recognize that these dreams are not only within reach but also readily achievable by your authentic self. However, your ego’s primary function is to ensure your safety and maintain a sense of “love” and “acceptance.” Therefore, it employs whatever means necessary to halt any progress. Drawing upon your past experiences, it perceives the unknown as a threat. Its paramount concern is to preserve the status quo, believing that familiarity ensures safety. Consequently, every endeavor to improve your circumstances faces immediate and formidable resistance. It inundates you with warnings of dire consequences should you venture beyond your comfort zone, urging you to prioritize worry over embracing the boundless possibilities for your life, reminiscent of the fearless exploration characteristic of your childhood years.
The belief that confidence equates to deceit, resulting in rejection and loss of acceptance, has been ingrained since childhood. You’ve been inundated with warnings of potential pitfalls should you dare to pursue greatness:
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launching a business risks financial ruin, approaching an attractive individual may lead to rejection, and the thought of facing such outcomes feels overwhelming.
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However, the most significant challenge lies in mistaking this critical inner voice for your own. Since early childhood, you’ve been embroiled in a silent battle for control of your thoughts, unbeknownst to you. Take a moment to pause, as what follows is of utmost importance.
The negative emotions you’ve experienced about yourself, those moments of feeling inadequate or unworthy, don’t truly reflect how you feel about the authentic you.
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Silencing the Inner Critic: Rediscovering the Authentic Self
Your negative emotions are directed towards the internal critic, the voice within your mind that has constantly criticized and belittled you for attempting positive actions or personal growth. This inner critic, your ego, embodies all the negative teachings and influences you’ve encountered throughout your life. It’s understandable that you harbor few positive sentiments towards this aspect of yourself. In contrast, when you pause and reflect on the authentic you—the one still present within you—you’ll find kindness, decency, love, excitement for life, a spirit of adventure, and boundless potential.
It’s important to approach this process slowly, as your ego may intensify its efforts to undermine these thoughts, urging you to seek distractions like checking social media, listening to music, or attending to chores or emails. Each of these distractions serves as a ploy by your ego to divert your attention from this pivotal realization because it knows that acknowledging the truth diminishes its hold over you.
Unaware of its existence and lacking guidance on how to manage your thoughts, your ego has proliferated and assumed disproportionate control, inundating your mind with convoluted, detrimental, and constraining thoughts. Upon mastering control of your mind and subduing your ego, the authentic you reclaims authority, empowering you to craft a life aligned with your true desires. Recognizing that your ego does not define you enables you to reestablish a connection with your genuine self—the empowered, authentic version of you—and rediscover your genuine aspirations. This newfound awareness liberates you from the shackles of stifling social conditioning, allowing you to embark on a journey of self-discovery and fulfillment.
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Embracing Your Authentic Self: Liberation from the Ego’s Grip
Your negative emotions are directed towards the internal critic, the voice within your mind that has constantly criticized and belittled you for attempting positive actions or personal growth. This inner critic, your ego, embodies all the negative teachings and influences you’ve encountered throughout your life. It’s understandable that you harbor few positive sentiments towards this aspect of yourself.
In contrast, when you pause and reflect on the authentic you—the one still present within you—you’ll find kindness, decency, love, excitement for life, a spirit of adventure, and boundless potential. It’s important to approach this process slowly, as your ego may intensify its efforts to undermine these thoughts, urging you to seek distractions like checking social media, listening to music, or attending to chores or emails. Each of these distractions serves as a ploy by your ego to divert your attention from this pivotal realization because it knows that acknowledging the truth diminishes its hold over you.
Unaware of its existence and lacking guidance on how to manage your thoughts, your ego has proliferated and assumed disproportionate control, inundating your mind with convoluted, detrimental, and constraining thoughts. Upon mastering control of your mind and subduing your ego, the authentic you reclaims authority, empowering you to craft a life aligned with your true desires. Recognizing that your ego does not define you enables you to reestablish a connection with your genuine self—the empowered, authentic version of you—and rediscover your genuine aspirations. This newfound awareness liberates you from the shackles of stifling social conditioning, allowing you to embark on a journey of self-discovery and fulfillment.
Harnessing Mastery in Every Aspect: Recognizing Proficiency in Overcoming Ego
Here’s the second crucial point I want to emphasize in this section. Take a moment to absorb and reflect on this insight.
Regaining control and allowing the real you to take charge isn’t as daunting as it may seem. In fact, you’re already proficient at this in various aspects of your life at this very moment. Whether it’s excelling in your career, fostering fulfilling relationships, nurturing your children, mastering sports, conquering computer games, showcasing your talents in singing or dancing, or effortlessly making friends, you’ve already demonstrated mastery in these areas, perhaps without even realizing it. This pattern holds true for anyone who has achieved proficiency in anything—they’ve discovered ways, whether intentionally or inadvertently, to navigate past the obstacles and barriers erected by their own ego.
They (you) managed to silence the doubts, negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, fears, and expectations, and instead focused on taking the necessary steps to progress. Do you see? You’re already familiar with this mindset in specific areas of your life. Now, the challenge is to extend that approach to all aspects of your life. The key to overcoming your ego is not to engage in a direct battle with it, but rather to relax and observe its tumultuous behavior. As paradoxical as it may seem, the more you resist and confront your ego, the more power you inadvertently give it.
However, by adopting a relaxed stance and simply witnessing the chaos it generates throughout the day, its influence gradually diminishes. You don’t need to forcefully stop it; merely observing its irrationality and assessing whether its thoughts serve your growth or hinder you gradually erodes its authority. One final note, and I cannot stress this enough: Recognizing your ego and its strategies to keep you stagnant, and mastering control over your thoughts are the fundamental skills you need to develop in order to become the person you aspire to be and craft the life you desire.
Now as I reiterate this message of gaining control over your mind, observe how your ego attempts to provoke irritation at the repetition, seeks to distract you, or simply encourages you to avoid practicing the skill because you may believe you already possess it.
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