Perfectionism on ftalk.space
Self Help

Excuse me, I am a Perfectionist

Perfectionism can feel like a relentless pursuit, a drive to achieve the highest standards in every aspect of life. While striving for excellence can lead to impressive accomplishments, it often comes with a heavy burden.

The constant fear of making mistakes, the unyielding pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, and the persistent dissatisfaction can take a toll on mental and emotional well-being.

In this post, we’ll explore the complexities of living with perfectionism, the challenges it brings, and strategies for finding balance. By understanding and addressing perfectionism, it’s possible to cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling approach to personal and professional growth.

 

Introduction to perfectionsim

Being a perfectionist is one of life’s oddities, it is good until it’s not. Perfectionists are often seen as people with inflated self-esteem and self-confidence. However, the truth is that while they may be driven, high achievers, their behavior doesn’t come from a place of arrogance or overconfidence. It usually comes from a place of fear.

Perfectionism is mostly a bad habit on masks. You need a bit of it, but the moment you do a little too much, you lose all its benefits.

Today, we will explore what perfectionism is; the good, and the bad, how it benefits you, and how it can drag you down.

 

Who is a perfectionist?

In simple terms, A perfectionist is an individual with the constant urge to make everything flawless. Imagine trying to draw a picture of a cat. You spend hours on it, drawing, erasing, and redrawing until every little detail is just right.

And if a tiny whisker is out of place, you feel like it’s not good enough, so you erase and redraw, again and again. That’s kind of what perfectionism is like. You stress over every little aspect of a task until you are satisfied that it is perfect.

Perfectionists set high standards for themselves, and when they don’t meet them, they feel sad and disappointed. Even when others think what they have achieved is great.

Signs you are a perfectionist

When dealing with psychological issues like this, there are when and where the underlying causes are medical, like a perfectionist driven by obsessive-compulsive disorder. In such cases, it is important to seek proper medical help even though the information provided in this article can help. You can use this test to see where you stand

 

  • Obsessive need for control

A good indicator that you are a perfectionist is the obsessive need for control. You can’t seem to delegate. You find it difficult to trust people to do a part of a joint task.

Your choice of work are mostly solo projects where the success and the failure of the project depend largely on your input and actions. You only find peace in knowing that the A to Z of a task lies in your hand.

 

  • Fear of Failure and Rejection

People often want to be perfect as a means of acceptance and avoiding rejection. Individuals who believe the only way people will accept them is to be perfect or the only way their work will be appreciated is only if it’s perfect most times end up becoming a perfectionist.

Often times, this starts from childhood experience, children who only enjoy parental love after doing well in school or being excellent in extracurricular activities, go on to become adults who believe love and acceptance can only come from being perfect.

 

  • Your Self worth is tied largely to your achievements

Humans are the sum total of our achievements, but we are more than that. We are also a result of our failures and every immeasurable thing in between like our families, love, hobbies, memories, and experiences.

Sadly, perfectionists see and rate their lives simply on how much they have achieved over time. How they stack against their incredibly high expectations and anything less than the expected means failure

Perfectionism on ftalk.space

Surprise benefits of being a Perfectionist

Perfectionism is often thought of as a negative trait, associated with excessive self-criticism, rigid thinking, and an inability to enjoy life. However, there may be some surprising benefits to being a perfectionist. Here are some of the surprising benefits of being a perfectionist:

 

Perfectionist are high achiever

Perfectionists have a strong desire to achieve their goals and maintain high personal standards. This drive for perfection can lead to higher levels of achievement in various domains, such as academics, Family, and Career.

Perfectionissm is associated with high level of  motivation and the willingness to put in the extra effort to achieve their goals.

Above average Job performance

Perfectionism can also lead to improved job performance. Perfectionists are highly motivated and detail-oriented, which can lead to higher quality work and increased productivity.

In addition, perfectionists are often willing to take on additional responsibilities and challenges, which can lead to career advancement and professional success.

 

Attention to Detail

Perfectionists pays meticulous attention to detail. They have a strong desire to get things right and are often willing to put in the extra effort to ensure that everything is perfect.

This attention to detail can be beneficial in many areas of life, from work to personal relationships.

For example, in the workplace, a perfectionist’s attention to detail can lead to higher quality work and increased productivity. They are often able to catch mistakes that others might overlook, which can save time and money in the long run.

In personal relationships, a perfectionist’s attention to detail can show their partner that they care and are invested in the relationship. They may remember important dates and events or go out of their way to do something special for their partner.

Resilience

Perfectionists are often highly resilient, able to bounce back from setbacks and challenges. They have a strong desire to succeed, which can lead to a willingness to persevere through difficult times. This resilience can be beneficial in many areas of life, from work to personal relationships.

In the workplace, a perfectionist’s resilience can help them navigate challenging projects or difficult coworkers. They are often able to maintain a positive attitude and keep working towards their goals, even in the face of adversity.

In personal relationships, a perfectionist’s resilience can help them weather the ups and downs of a long-term relationship. They are often able to work through conflicts and challenges and are committed to making the relationship work.

How Perfectionism is holding you back

I grew up believing that constantly striving for perfection was some sort of badge of honor and sometimes it is. However, over the course of life, I’ve been conflicted about this. While perfectionism can make us push limits relentlessly to achieve the things we  set out to do, it can also caused a lot of inner turmoil.

Perfectionism ultimately causes you to become your own worst enemy. It crushes your self-esteem and the two play off each other in a vicious cycle. By measuring success on flawlessness, you end up getting so caught up in what you’re lacking that you lose focus on what you’re good at.  You begin to define who you are by your achievements and forget that they do not constitute you and your value as a person.

It creates a constant feeling of never being good enough, due to holding yourself to impossible standards & assuming that others do too. Seeing as perfection is impossible, this then leads to intense feelings of anxiety, stress, unworthiness, and general unhappiness.

What most of us don’t realize is that It can also cause severe procrastination and avoidance of tasks that you feel are outside of your comfort zone. You will find 1 million “valid” excuses not to do certain things or put them off. This impedes your progress, growth, and productivity as you end up limiting yourself.

 

Perfectionism influence our Mental Health (Anxiety, procastination and avoidance)

Yes, ambition and drive can be excellent characteristics; however, if the most consistent measure of your value is whether or not you succeed at everything you do, perfectionism—not failure—could be the culprit.

The costs of perfectionism could include being paralyzed with fear and an inability to work towards one’s goals. When you set high standards for yourself, they may become impossible to achieve.

This can lead to a lack of motivation and giving up before starting.The ideal you strive for can never be reached, leading to depression, guilt, and shame.

 

Perfectionism distorts self-worth.

Perfectionism props up the dangerous myth that you need to jump over endless hurdles before you can feel good about yourself. Rather than doing something simply for enjoyment, you might start to seek out activities solely for the validation they provide.

Perfectionism prevents success and leads to indecision. Perfectionism also tells you that you need to hear from others that you have value before you believe it yourself.

 

Perfectionism motivates you with fear

When you’re wholly invested in outcomes, anticipation, and fear become driving forces. You become nervous and agitated. You might feel consumed by thoughts of what will happen if a presentation doesn’t go well.

Perhaps you take on too much responsibility for yourself to ensure that nothing goes wrong. When fear is a steady hand on your back, pressing you constantly forward, you can become so focused on not making any missteps that you miss out on what’s happening around you.

 

Perfectionism leads to avoidance and procastination.

Surprisingly, bringing a perfectionist attitude to every situation can lead you to neglect your work and responsibilities. Chasing achievements entirely for the approval of others can be frightening. Maybe you’ve learned to avoid completing projects to stave off failure and rejection.

Maybe you’re so scared of failing that you can’t commit to a particular approach. A fear of making mistakes often carries over into your relationships, leading you to break off relationships before anything can go wrong.

If you’re really scared of being rejected unless you’re perfect, you might start trying too hard to be perfect or avoid stuff altogether.

 

Perfectionism zooms in on the negatives

Perfectionism generally functions by constantly scanning your horizon for gaps and hurdles. Rather than focusing on all the time and work you put into a project, you see what could be better.

Perfectionism’s eternal scanner doesn’t turn off even when you’ve done a good job—you still see how it could have gone differently, weighing the outcomes of each scenario that didn’t happen.

 

Perfectionism will eventually burn you out.

It makes sense that if fear, avoidance, and low self-confidence eat at your dinner table, sleep in your bed, and follow you to work every day, you’re probably feeling pretty tired. You might even feel guilty and ashamed.

You can’t seem to turn your bad thoughts off. Rather than focusing on what’s going right, you feel weighed down by what isn’t happening. You’re no longer present.

Constantly Striving for perfection leads to anxiety and burnout.

 

Perfectionism  Leads to Low Self-Esteem

It can result in the inability to feel satisfaction for one’s efforts because things may never be perceived as good enough. Perfectionism prevents success vs. leading to excellence.

Due to not feeling good enough, perfectionists can be dependent on the validation of others to boost their self-esteem. The trouble with this is that it is temporary.

You have to work extra hard to get the self-esteem boost, and then feelings of inadequacy return just as quickly. This perpetuates low self-esteem.

People who pursue excellence in a healthy way take genuine pleasure in working to meet high standards. Alternatively, people motivated for perfection may be driven by self-doubt and fears of disapproval, ridicule, and rejection.

Over time, this can become a trap, Lack of satisfaction, decision-making struggles, and an endless pursuit of trying harder can lead to low self-esteem and feelings of depression.

Overcoming Perfectionism

Here are few ways to undo these patterns and move you closer to feeling like the person you actually are.

Love yourself

Love yourself enough to forgive all your past mistakes. Do it enough to be okay with the new ones you are going to make. Love yourself enough to see value in the journey and not just the destination. Love yourself enough to see that failure is part of the process. Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself enough to heal from all past traumas. You can read more about self love here.

 

https://ftalk.space/2024/04/06/ng-entropy-the-currency-of-growth

 

Create a Support Network

Develop relationships with people who aren’t perfectionists or has critical as you. Encourage your support network to not be rigid or moralistic in their attempts to keep you on an honest course.

Look for people who forgive and forget mistakes, failures, offenses. Ask them to tell you when they think you are being rigid, unrealistic, or idealistic in your behavior.

Ask them to give you positive reinforcement for any positive change, no matter how small. Seek out people who have a sincere interest in your personal growth.

Spend time with people who will gently let you know that you are being a bit obsessive or overthinking something more than it’s worth.

Appreciate everything you’ve got

Instead of waiting for fulfillments, we can and must appreciate the present. Practicing gratitude for what’s “good” now is a realistic option for those seeking inner peace.

The desire for future validation (or, at least, avoidance of embarrassment) takes us away from the joys we are living right here and now. Gratitude teaches us new, fluid definitions of success.

It also teaches us to see ourselves for the incredible, resourceful, and accomplished people we are. You have made it to this moment, and that is something to be grateful for.

 

Take Regular Tech Breaks

The research is in. Our tech obsessions are impacting our mental health in an ugly way.

Yes, certainly, there are myriad positives connected to such devices. However, as we all know, there’s far more to life than the perfect selfie. Social media is painting a picture of people in perfect lives but in reality, we are all messing up in one way or the day.

Do yourself a favor and take most things online at face value. Schedule time to Turn off your phone—power down your laptop.

Define What Matters to You.

No one can ever be good enough at everything. If there is a secret formula for self-esteem, it’s all about following your bliss. Discover what lights you up and aim your focus there.

Where your focus goes, your energy will flow. Don’t let anyone else define what matters to you.

Make that choice for yourself, stay open to personal evolution, set boundaries with others, and take pride in the victories you experience on your chosen path.

Delegate everything else

Perfectionists sometimes hold up a lot of things in their lives because they want to do it by themselves and want it to be perfect. Break away from this notion.

You have a plumbing issue? call a plumbing expert. Life is richer — and far more efficient — when we each pursue our own passions. This results in us becoming “good enough” at what matters to us.

For everything else, we can happily reach out to whoever chose that life path. You don’t have to be great at everything.

Embrace the journey

Many perfectionists take criticism personally and respond defensively. If someone criticizes you when you make a mistake, the easiest thing to do is to simply admit it.

Remind yourself that you are human, meaning you will sometimes make mistakes. The people who never make mistakes are no longer learning or growing.

When you let go of the fantasy that humans must be perfect or know everything to have value in this world, you are less likely to feel angry or embarrassed when you make a mistake. You will see that criticism is information that you can learn from, and you will no longer need to avoid it.

Learn to Laugh at Yourself

Best of all, enjoy the process. Grasp every opportunity to laugh — especially if you choose to have a chuckle at your own expense.

Pride goes before the fall, right? So, the more elastic this concept becomes, the better you will feel.

If you can’t manage failure; Stop setting wild goals

I know that sounds bad, but it’s not. Try and set realistic goals. Most perfectionists have a series of wild goals in their belts that have a 1% chance of success within the timelines they have set. Yes, wild goals are important, they push us to do impossible things, but we must also be able to live with them not working out; else we set ourselves up for unwarranted disappointment and pain.

Conclusion

Perfection is an “ideal” and like every idea, it’s a judge. It is there to serve as a reminder of what you can be not really what you will be. So, Embrace your flaws, focus on progress, and let go of the need to be perfect. Our mistakes, weirdness, and unique quirks are part of what makes you special.

Till next time.

Cheers ❤️

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