The art of waiting – A Guide to Patience

December 9, 2023 - By Fred

Waiting is the act of allowing time to pass, staying in one place without doing much, until there is an outcome or till you can do something to impact the situation positively. life is not plug and play. There comes a time in one’s life when we want something but the only thing we can do is wait.

In this moment, we sometimes feel powerless and wish there was more we could do, but more often than not, we can’t do anything to improve our odds other than wait.

During such a period, we are susceptible to negative emotions, which makes waiting even more daunting. We fear that our expectations will be cut short and feel jealous of peers and colleagues who already have what we long and wait for.

I will talk about how we can wait rightly when we find ourselves in this period.

Over the next few paragraphs, I will also discuss a few concepts to help us through this time, what we should focus on, what we should abstain from, and how this period can have a positive impact.

Waiting is not worrying

Waiting is not an easy task and though it is capable of bringing out good traits in us, traits like humility and patience. It can also be a trigger for negative emotions like worry which in some cases if left unchecked can graduate to episodes of depression. When we are waiting on an outcome, our minds wander.

We easily enter into the state of “what ifs”. What if I don’t get the job? What if he doesn’t get better from this sickness. What if all this waiting is for nothing and there is nothing at the end of the line. lots of whats if and uncertainty.

It is important to note that waiting is not worry and the ability to manage our level of worry makes a lot of difference during this period.

I know it’s impossible not to have some worries during this period but it must not take over our minds to the extent that we start doubting the outcome we are waiting on. That is unbelief.

Wallowing in pity because of the possibility that an outcome might not be favourable during waiting period is like suffering twice.

You mentally suffer before the outcome and God forbid the outcome is not favorable, then you suffer and go through the pain again. If the outcome is positive after tremendous amount of worrying. Then you would have worry and suffered for nothing. Stay off the edge of negative thoughts, it doesn’t increase the odds of success, nor does it makes the period of waiting any easier.

Stay off the edge of negative thoughts, it doesn’t increase the odds of success, nor does it makes the period of waiting any easier.

Waiting is not laziness

I agree, waiting is synonymous to free time and we sometimes have time in our hands doing nothing. However, it doesn’t mean we have to degrade and let laziness creep over our lives.

Space between when you have finished high/secondary school waiting for response from the admission team from your favourite college, Period between when you finish college/University and you are waiting for NYSC or your intern appointment. Period after you submit as many applications as possible and you are waiting on a decision from the human resource officer.

These are free period but endless scrolling on instagram, watching as many movies as you can is not the best use of such time. These habits might not directly impacts the outcome of the wait, but they can cause us to develop habits that impacts us negatively even after our expected outcome is realised.

Taking things easy is good and having a break is lovely but ensure you are not developing habits that we take you out of your productive zone when your waiting period is over. Chill and take some time off but stay on the grind, do not loose focus on what you are waiting on or that which is after it.

Chill and take some time off but stay on the grind, do not lose focus on what you are waiting on or that which is after it.

How to wait rightly

Draw strength from people that are or have been in similar circumstance.

There is nothing new under the sun. It is a cliche but it is true. Humans have always lived off each other’s experiences. We have always rely on the generational wisdom from those before us to better understand the planet we are in.

Likewise, most of our experiences, though unique is not unheard of. People love to read reviews of products before they buy it, We want to see those that have been in similar situations and how they acted. The decisions they made and the results they got. It is the way of life, life is easier when we have companion either in pain or in pleasure.

Waiting is not any different. There was a time when I was fidgeting after taking an interview with a company I really want to work at, it’s been a week and I haven’t heard back from the recruiter. So I went on glassdor and read about the interview process. I found about two people who have had interview with the company couple of years back saying the organisation usually take few weeks before getting back. That gave me peace and i found solace even though i was still waiting.

Similarly, there are groups and clubs for people having issues with drugs, alcohol all the way to veterans. During waiting period, sometimes the only people who can help us are those who are or have been in same situation with us. No matter how our families or loved ones might try. They might not be able to offer us the kind of help we need because their experience is limited.

Been in the gathering of person/people going through the same shit as we are give us solace that we are not alone. The fact that people have been where we are and are able to get to the other side can elevate our worries.

Reversal: Beware of groups that dwells on their circumstance more than the hope of what’s on the other side. The quest to find solace should not become an avenue to wallow in pity.

Distract yourself – step out of the pain for a minute

This might seem like a counter point to the point above which is to find solace in people going through same shit as you are but is also important to be able to distract yourself from wallowing in the deep of your thoughts.

In situations like waiting for a love ones to recover from the hospital, waiting for fruit of the womb, waiting on God for a long term goal. We often find ourselves living day in and out thinking about our expected outcome. Imagining it, and sometimes we get deep in our thoughts and we loose track of the real life in front of us.

It is important to step outside the issue and focus on some other parts of our lives that brings us joy. It might feel guilty to experience happiness in this moment especially in the case when a love one is in the hospital.

However, taking your mind off things a little bit is good for your mental health. To better be there and enjoy your expected outcome taking care of both your physical and mental health during this period is of utmost importance.

Reversal: Do not use the distraction as negligence, it is meant to drift you away so you dont wallow, its not meant for you to forget this is a waiting period and you shouldn’t loose sight of your desired outcome.

Accepting your circumstance and coming terms with it

This is the first step in the waiting process, acceptance. If there is more you can do to improve your odds of success, go do that before coming to the stage of waiting. if there is more shouting, go shout, if there is more acting go act, if there is more spending go spend if there is more fight, go fight. when all is done and this stage arrives, you should have nothing to do but wait.

Come to terms with your lack of power over the situation at this time. This is hard i know, We don’t like the feeling of being powerless. You want to do something, you want to make a difference, change the outcome in your favour, even if its a little bit. Truth is you cant.

You already submit the application, sent a follow up letter, yet you have not heard back at this point you want to stalk the company, send a reminder to HR but you cant, all you can do now is wait.

Your loved one has been rushed to the hospital, you have folowed them there, the doctor is with them now, I know you want to be in the theatre room, you want to if possible heal them magically, but you cant, all you can do here is wait. You need to wait, you have to wait. You do not need to feel the void, you dont need to dread the silence, you dont need to fill it up. Just wait.

Waiting is a form of relinquishing control. Accepting that we have done our best and it is now out of our hands.

You are not pretty; You are just young. Give it time.

Benefits of waiting

Waiting is hard but it is not all bad and if we wait rightly with the right atitude we can come out of the period golden and maybe even pick up few good habits from the experience.

Waiting teach us humility

Waiting teaches us humility. True waiting requires acceptance that we are powerless and our effort might not mean much at this stage. Feeling powerless is not fun. Seeing what we want is currently out of our reach and not being able to do anything about it at the moment is not what anyone longs for. However, in this dilemma comes a golden opportunity, ability to stay in humility.

Most days, we wake up like champions in the morning and go about our days without so much care in the world and we feel invisible. But in moment when we are waiting we are settled, calm, and patient.This is a breath of fresh air, an aura of humility we hardly felt in our day to day lives.

In this period, people who haven’t prayed in their entire life, feel the need to seek a higher power for help. For in this moment we realize how limited we truly are as humans.Waiting forces us to be patient and humble, virtues we can take with us even when the period of waiting is over.

How to Handle Financial Stress in Tough Times

Waiting teaches perserverance

Perseverance is sometimes the distinction between success and failure. And sometimes perseverance is simply waiting a bit longer than the average Joe. During the period of waiting there are days we feel like quitting. Silence days, where there are no movement on track and everything just seems to stand still and you feel you better off just giving up. But when waiting it is important to remain connected mentally to the expected outcome, even when there is no physical actions we can performed.we must be mentally locked in. Perseverance helps us to stay in touch with our goal and while also at peace with the fact that .

Waiting clarifies our intentions and purify our desires

When you look at it, waiting is a form of delayed gratification in this fast paced result oriented world. As a software engineer, I have some experience working on e-commerce platform and I worked closely with product managers.

Product managers handle the end to end of what the product would and should be. Working with them, I have picked up some insights along the way. One in particular that i found interesting is that, most customers won’t proceed with an order that shows a delivery period of anything above 2 weeks.

In fact, the earlier the delivery can be made the more the customer is invested in completing the order. In so, product managers design products in a way You want to get the customer on hook when the adrenaline for the purchase is high, because if you loose that, most often than not the sale dropped off and the item sleeps in the favorite section forever.

This point out that as humans we are driven by feelings and emotions and sometimes it seems that we can’t survive with something we want but when we paused for a second or we are delayed for a bit we come to the realization that we don’t need what we are even after.

In waiting, our intentions are clarified, our longings are delayed and sometimes we come to the realization of how much or less we needed what we are after. Sometimes waiting a long time to get a feedback from the human resource gave you the opportunity to resolve your issue with your current organisation and you realize they are better for you.

Most people initiate a plan on the spot, without effectively weighting all possible outcomes, but the waiting period give us room to calm down, replay our situation and be sure what we are waiting for and if we truly want it. Our intentions are not always clear and precise and as humans we run into things without carefully thinking it through. The waiting period is an awesome way to pause, rethink, and possibly pull out or double down.

Fancy more read?

The Ultimate Blueprint to Self-Confidence

Thriving Amidst the Hustle: Self-Care Guide for Busy Nigerians

5 daily Habits That Changed My Life for better

Excuse me, I am a Perfectionist